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I did not crave submission. After she left, the disappointment, anger, emptiness made me a different person – a person sometimes even I don’t recognize. I lived – happily, with my army of pets – but never content.All these thoughts rushed through me, bringing back the longing, insecurity, disappointment, anger, and frustration with it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated on my breathing.Feeling the air enter my nostrils, slowly filling the lungs, expanding my bosom, nipples rubbing against the bra. Then slowly leaving the body back through my nostrils along with all the anger, frustration, and disappointment.This technique was suggested by my therapist. She asked me to do it every time I felt overwhelmed. It works. On most days, it brought me back to the present. I continued breathing in and out for a few secondsI recognized a faint fragrance. I couldn’t quite place it, but a known fragrance. It was not a perfume, a natural fragrance, feminine, intoxicating even. I. I looked out into the main office. Connie was still busily and apparently contentedly attending to routine office duties. I called her and she dropped her papers and hurried to my office."Oh, James, I —" she began delightedly, then broke off as she saw we were not alone. "Hello, Fran," she said shortly. Fran, being ineligible for flirtation and resistant to girlish chatter, had always been a bit of a problem for Connie."Connie," I said, giving her a seat, "please tell Fran what's been going on."Connie looked at Fran, then helplessly at me. She silently mouthed "Us?" at me."It's all right," I assured her. "Just tell her."Connie's account was slightly nervous and hesitant to start with but she soon warmed to her theme. I contributed very little, intervening only to move her on at certain points, notably when she started to wax lyrical about what the sex had been like. Fran listened to her story speechless and open-mouthed. "It's been so amazing," Connie concluded. "I'm so lucky to have.
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